“I didn’t know being a mother would be a life sentence. I expected two a.m. feedings to leave me exhausted, but I knew it wouldn’t last. I expected defiant two year olds to stretch my patience, but I knew that was just a phase. I expected my baby’s first day of school would be emotional, but I knew that too would pass. With my teenager, I expected a return to sleepless nights, defiant struggles for independence, and concern as first dates, first heart break, first jobs are begun. I knew, though, that even the teen age years would come to an end. Yes, I thought there would be a time when it would all be over. I thought there would be a time when I could let go of worry and responsibility.
As a grandmother, I know that time never comes. Whether our children are model citizens or drug addicts, we never totally lose the worry, the concern that comes with being parents. The joy and the heartache of motherhood is ours for a life time - a life sentence. We never stop loving our child, no matter what. We never give up hoping that our child’s life will turn around. We never totally let go of the pain that comes with any disappointment our child endures. I can only imagine Mary’s pain as she stood at the base of the cross.
For me, the best way of living this life of joy and heartache is knowing that I am not alone in motherhood. God is with me always. God comes to me through people, books, movies, animals, using whatever method necessary to open my heart to the Spirit’s strength and wisdom. In life, in death and even in motherhood, I am not alone. Thanks be to God.
“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” (Isaiah 49:15)
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